coffee after 9pm will keep you awake ALL NIGHT LONG.

i have a dear friend here in the city, Erin Ellis.  She is 26, and probably one of my closest friends.  She is married to Will Ellis, who is a great guy, and together they make a great team.  She and I had lunch on Sunday (sans her husband), and we talked about those days in high school when letter writing was the only thing that helped you make it through study hall, or boring history lessons.  She told me that she and her friend, who's lockers were adjacent, used to have a notebook that they would take to class... they'd write all through class about school dramas, boys, Nannette Heisenfeld's awful scruchie selection, etc.  Then after class they'd exchange notebooks and read and reply.  They used up about 8 notebooks throughout the year. 

I thought (for some reason) that this was a brilliant idea... and since I apparently have so much time on my hands, I bought a notebook in an attempt to recreate the joys of letter writing.  I have the book for the first week... and all week I have written bit by bit the goings on of this single girl's life in the city.  some days are eventful, some full of nostalgia, others just plain boring... but it's all in there.  Last night as I was writing, and chatting with a friend of mine.. she reminded me... "you know you're writing to a married woman?"   "yeah.. of course I know.....   Oh.  I see what you're saying."  You see, whereas, I have plenty of time between the hours of 9pm and 3 in the morning.. a married woman, well... wouldn't.  There are no "alone" times, i guess, in the traditional sense of being alone. 

I was reminded of Pride and Prejudice when Lydia comes home from her wedding with Wickham.  As they are leaving her mother reminds her to write, however, lydia points out that now that she is married, she won't have time.  But her sisters may feel free to write her, as they'll have nothing else to do. 

Will is going to be out of town next week, so i'll let the book go on through next week, but i think that's as far as this college ruled notebook may go.  I guess maybe I should just return to writing in my journal.  However, there is so much more fulfillment in knowing your writings are being read.  and your thoughts are being seen and heard, and identified with.  That's all.

eh.  I guess revival of the notebook is about as farcical as a New Kids On the Block reunion tour.

I don't know where to start.

It's technically Monday morning at 1:54am Eastern Standard Time.  This is usually the time of night when i chat with Brian for anywhere between 20 minutes and an hour about nothing more than the weather and the state of the roads, or my lack of acting career.  Even though we usually don't really say much to each other.. i do take comfort in knowing that it's 68 degrees in Memphis or that the tigers won their latest basketball game. 

Brian's not online this 25th of February, therefore, I will have to bore you (my loyal readers) with my feelings of the Academy Awards.

Ever since 1994, when I witnessed 12 year old Anna Paquin win an Academy Award for Best Actress in a Supporting Role, I have wanted to accept an Oscar myself.  There is nothing I would like more than to dress up in an evening gown, talk to Ryan Seacrest and Regis Philbin on the red carpet, hear my name listed with other incredible actresses, and then hear "and the Oscar for Best Actress goes to... Holly Kay Roberts"  I would love to hug all the people around me as I stand to walk the aisle to the stage.  As I stand at the mic, I know I would be speechless and emotional.  I would have to thank God, the director, the producers, my friends and family.  I would probably say something ridiculous like I usually do when i'm nervous... but hopefully it would be one of those silly things that only endears you more to the actress.  This is my dream laid out in words for all to read.  I don't expect it to happen, but I don't rule out the possibility either.  I can rest knowing that I'm closer to this goal than I was a year ago, and that I will continue to strive for it. 

Enough about that. 

I went to an audition the other day, and it went great.  I'm sincerely hoping that they will call and give me the role.  It's for a TV pilot.  It works like this.. A little production company produces a pilot.. then if the big people at a big network like it... they buy it.  then we film a few episodes.  then they air on the network that buys it... sometimes it goes Great.. sometimes no network picks up the show.  First I have to get a role.. but like I said.. it was a good audition, and there's a decent possibility.  Every audition is a step closer.. It's only a matter time before I get something! 

I'm optimistic.. I'm hopeful.. I'm nervous.. and I'm impatient. 

Well, that's just a little taste of the passion I feel for the craft of film and tv acting.
thanks for humoring me, and reading this long-winded thing. 

-Dreams pass into the reality of action. From the actions stems the dream again; and this interdependence produces the highest form of living.-   Anais Nin